I Turned Out Ok!

I dream....a lot! It runs in my family. I have no control over it, and frankly, I like it. It usually makes my nights quite exciting. Not always restful, but colorful, for sure!

I've been debating if I would share this on my blog, and finally decided that I would do it for me. First of all, because it's my blog, and second, because this dream as it turns out, has become a gift to me!

So two nights ago, I had a dream (a song to sing...not really).

I was driving toward Greenleaf, Idaho with a very large number of people, all family...from my side and my husband's.
(Greenleaf is a small town, west of Caldwell, where my grandparents lived and consequently, so did I as a girl. I have many memories there...happy and sad.)

As we turned onto Harmony Lane, the street my grandparent's lived on, everything looked normal, and current. But as we pulled up and stopped in front of my grandparent's house, the world went back to 1975. The cool part was, that those of us who had just pulled up in the car, were able to watch and walk around in that 70's world unnoticed. As if were were watching a movie being made, but the actors didn't know we were there.

I jumped out of the car, and ran into the "scene".
There were a lot of my Aman family (my mother's family) around in the front yard, and coming in and out of the house. My Grandpa Wayne Aman and my Grandma Virginia Aman were kneeling down on the grass, and Grandma was holding my brother, Aaron. He was about a year old (that's why I know this was 1975). Grandma turned Aaron toward Grandpa, and held his fingers as he began to walk toward Gramps. Gramps was saying, "Come on, Buddy, you can do it!", and Aaron was giggling and trying so hard to walk.
I was in the scene, as I ran around and around, trying to get attention (probably normal). I ran up to Aaron and tried to tickle him, and he fell down (probably normal).

The family interaction continued, as my relatives and I moved around, undetected. I was passionately saying to my children, "DO YOU REALIZE HOW BIG THIS IS!!??" "This is your Grandpa Aman before he died--that's what he was like and how he sounded! That is me, when I was a little girl!!"
I was trying so hard to get them to understand the awesomeness of this!

We moved into the house, and continued to watch the 1975 version of my family! Grandma was in the kitchen making yogurt (which she used to do). The red retro table and chairs were just as I remember. The wall paper, the frog by the sink whose wide open mouth held Grandma's bristle pad. The china hutch with the green and white dishes....all of it.

I walked into the Living Room, to see if it was as I remembered it. I grabbed my kids and started telling them about playing Chopsticks with my young Aunt Lisa, on that black lacquer piano. They laughed when I told them that Grandma always called her couch, a 'Davenport'. And then I showed them the wood board that Gramps held across his lap, so he could lay his Bible on it, and write sermons. I showed them Grandma's Aloe Vera plant collection. At some point we all sat down to watch. As I was sitting on the orange 'Davenport', I had this thought, "I bet if I looked all over this house, I would find all these things I can remember!"
So I took off. I ran into the bathroom, and there beside the tub, was the Amway Honey Shampoo that I would overuse, because I loved it's scent (I probably had the cleanest hair in Idaho). I found the pink brush that Grandma combed and teased her hair with. I saw the ceramic plaques on the wall, of the little old people running to the outhouse (my mom painted these for them).
I then ran down the back hall, jumping over the stuff that had piled up, and ran past the water distiller (Grandma distilled her own water), and then past the washer and dryer into Lisa's old room. I was looking for that poster, of the little fat boy with the overturned bowl of noodles dripping down his head. I found the candle that I thought smelled like Heaven! I found Lisa's closet full of shoes that she let me traipse in, all over Greenleaf! The 80's version of my aunt Lisa was brushing her teeth in the little bathroom.

I then thought of something that might just be my favorite memory, and grabbed my kids, to go show them the "Fruit Room". We ran past the purple and white Alyssum flowers blooming in the flower beds, and into the shop. I opened the door to the fruit room, and the scent of dirty potatoes, straight from the garden flooded over me. I showed my kids how I played "Country Store" in there, and always messed up the organized jars of  vegetables!

All the time we are running through this scene, as if we might run out of time, I am shouting, "DO YOU KIDS REALIZE HOW BIG THIS IS!!!!" They didn't seem to get it.

I take them out to the upright freezer that sits in the breezeway. Great Grandma Porter is there, and she is putting something in the freezer. I say to my kids, "THAT'S HER--THAT'S HER!! (I long to be able to introduce her to her great-great grand kids!)
We watch her for awhile, and then I lean in to look in the freezer. There in an old bread bag, are the frozen chocolate chip cookies!! (I might add here, that the bag usually had some left over bread crumbs in it. But that never mattered!)

As soon as we walked into the yard, I noticed that the house I could see next door, was not the house that was always there, but a house that didn't belong there....it was our old house from Friends Rd....from 1986-87.

I ran into that house....and began to find all the things that I can remember from my childhood! Toys, blankets, dolls, furniture, wall hangings, clothes, books.....and with all of those items came the good memories. Then I began to see things that didn't have good memories attached to them, and I began to yell, "It's OK--I turned out OK--I AM OK!!!"
I ran outside and began yelling at my current day family to find boxes!! I wanted to take all of those items out of this scene with me...and no one was stopping me. I loaded up box after box of the good memories, and left all the bad ones behind. I continued to yell at the top of my lungs, "I TURNED OUT OK!!"

Then I woke up.

I laid in my bed as still as a corpse for a long time, and started reliving my dream. The thing that I kept hearing was my yelling, "I AM OK!"

And guess what....I am!

I don't understand completely how dreams work, but this dream is a gift...a beautiful, wonderful gift!

Lamentations 3:55-58...I called on your name, LORD, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” You, Lord, took up my case you redeemed my life.