This Is My Song

I am (still) reading Ann Voscamp's book--One Thousand Gifts.

It is taking me months to read this book, and I am just fine with that. It took me over a month to process chapter 6, and rightfully so...I may have to sit on chapter 8 for a few months.

Side Note: When I grow up, I want to speak as poetically as Ann. What a gift!

Back to what this is teaching me:
I long to live my life for God.
I've lived 38 years on this globe as unto other people, but all the more tragic--as unto myself. The tragedy is this--living as unto Sheila, my husband, these children, my church, friends, work...although my intentions are right, my human-ness is so terribly human. This causes me deep frustration! As hard I as try, I make monumental mistakes, and I fail. I do my best, but if I'm only doing it to find the instant gratification, it will have a fleeting joy. I find zero contentment there. I run back over and over again wishing for someone, anyone to say, "Great job, Sheila, on getting all 8 loads of laundry done today !" ....and it isn't there...joy, that is. When the praise does come, the applause is nice, but it seems to fall short in filling my vessel to overflowing. Quite the contrary in fact. I've once again come to a dry place, carrying an empty vessel. Something is missing?

"Whenever man is made the center of things, he becomes the storm-center of trouble. The moment you think of serving people, you begin to have a notion that other people owe you something for your pains....You will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause." (Dorothy Sayers)

Ann writes, and I quote, "When the laundry is for the dozen arms of children or the the dozen legs, it's true, I think I'm due some appreciation. So comes a storm of trouble and lightning strikes joy. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work, is a song of thanks to Him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant to all. When the eyes of the heart focus on God, and the hands on always washing the feet of Jesus alone---the bones, they sing joy, and the work returns to it's purest state: Eucharisteo (Thanksgiving). The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness."

"The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action. If we pray the work...if we do it to Jesus, if we do it for Jesus, if we do it with Jesus...that is what makes us content." (Mother Theresa)

That is what makes me content.
That is what makes me content.
That is what is missing...contentment.

Contented, deep joy is always in the touching of Christ---in whatever skin He comes to us in.

So this is my song of worship, to Him...

This is the astonishing truth, that while I serve Christ, it is He who serves me.

"Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as the noon. The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Isaiah 58: 10-11