She really hurt my feelings! - Just let it go.
He said I was getting chubby. -Just let it go.
I'm tired of being a doormat for people to walk on. - Just let it go.
That was really bad! - Just let it go.
I once believed that it was my job to bring justice to each and every life situation. I had a need to make everything and everyone be nice and fair. When I was told to "Just let it go", I instead chose to pick it up, and hang onto it....forever! It must be why God put me on this planet.
As I walked, arms loaded down with all the injustices, I often felt that the load was more than I could bear. I would hear the preachers say, "God will never give you more than you can bear." Wow! God must think I'm tough! (I said that to myself)
Carrying and maintaining the load was a big job, but somebody had to do it!
I listened to sermons about laying it all on the altar, or leaving it at the foot of the Old Rugged Cross. I drug the load to the altar and the cross, over and over. I surrendered my burden, and then as I got ready to stand up to leave, I would grab the load and set out on the next leg of my journey. Who would take care of it if I walked away? What would I do with the pain caused this mess to begin with?
Then one day -
I heard a lady say, "You cannot live your life with open hands, if your arms are full."
Open hands to accept God's goodness.
Open hands to hold another hand.
Open hands to wipe tears.
Open hands to help.
Open hands to embrace life.
Open hands to lift in praise!
I sat there speechless. That woman had just hit the nail on the head!
Then came the deal-breaker!
This is how it played out in my head:
In order to live life with open hands, I had to lay down the load, and laying down the load meant surrendering every single thing. Surrendering every single thing meant letting it all go, and letting it all go, meant I had to let someone else take care of it. I knew that someone else was God. If I let God have it, He would ask me to forgive, and saying "I forgive you", must mean that it is okay that you hurt me, and that is not okay. Never has been, and never will be! (Imagine me picking that pile of stuff up, and walking away.)
Then I heard the lady say toward the end of her talk, "If you are unwilling to forgive, you are the one who is bound."
I said (to myself), "Well, that makes a lot of sense, because I've been carrying this unforgiven pile around for a long time, and I would not use "freedom" to describe my position in life. I don't want to live in chains, I want to live free, but what about all the people who have hurt me?"
God said (in my ear), "This isn't about them. It is about you living as I intended you to live- redeemed and free! Just let it all go, and walk away."
Redeemed and free-
Free to be myself.
Free to be happy when God laid good gifts in my hands.
Free to run.
Free to worship.
Free to hold.
Free to write down the gifts-counting to one thousand.
AND....
Free to feel the pain of injustice, and talk to The One who will right wrongs.
Free to build boundaries to keep the bad guys from hurting me.
Free to build boundaries that protect my heart.
Free to build boundaries that build healthy relationships.
Free to lay it all down, and let it go- knowing that God knows how to take care of it. Heavy loads are not a big deal to Him, because He is big!
Free? Redeemed? Yep, sign me up for all of that!!
He did. Yet, I still struggled often with the old voices that said, "If I forgive you, I am saying that it is not big deal that you hurt me."
I learned over time that was the enemy lying. I knew God's truth, and I knew that forgiveness was not releasing someone from the consequences of their sin, it was unlocking the chains that had me bound to their wrong-doing.
Then one day - (just about one week ago)
I got an email, stating that I was chosen to join a team who would be launching Sheila Walsh's new book, "The Storm Inside".
My assignment as a Launch Team Member, is to read the book (before it's released to the world); talk about it on Facebook and Twitter, and also blog about it (I'm doing that right now).
This morning I am reading chapter three: "Navigating Treacherous Waters - from Unforgiveness to Freedom."
As turned to page fifty-one, I see this:
"Forgiveness is not about removing someone else’s liability, but about setting our own hearts free. Did you hear that? It’s not about the other person’s sin; it’s about your freedom." (Sheila Walsh)
Do you see where God was taking me all this time? I do.
Instead of typing out a lengthy exhortation about the truth of that quote, I feel inclined to just let it settle in my heart.
I am hoping as you finish reading this blog, you will hear God talking in your ear too.
"The Storm Inside" will be available to purchase on February 11, 2014. #storminside
